If Only
by Jamie8
Summary: Hermione goes to visit the grave of the only man that she ever loved and wonders what could have happened If only......


Hermione apparated to the cemetery, like she did every year for the past six years. With her were six red roses.  
  
Gazing at the sky, thinking about how beautiful it was, she tripped and fell over a tree limb sticking out of the ground. She felt a sharp pain in her hands and knees, and when she looked down she found that some glass from a broken bottle that someone had left lying on the ground cut up both her hands and knees. She then looked down at her knees, they were also cut up pretty badly.  
  
She hadn't been having a good day so she figured that this was as good a time as any to cry. When she started to cry she remembered the reason that she was crying in the first place. It was because of Ron that she was sitting there on the ground crying her eyes out. She fell down next to his grave, silently sobbing to herself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder what could have happened. If only I wouldn't have been late. If only I had left work early, you would still be here. If only you had waited just five more minutes. If only we had to decided to meet somewhere else.  
  
I don't think that I will ever forget the picture of you lying in the street. There you were lying in a puddle of you own blood. The crimson color staining you're robes to match the gathering pools of blood surrounding you. Your body was just lying there, lifeless.  
  
Every night I go to bed, only to wake up hours later screaming as I remember that night. I sometimes wonder why I even sleep...all that happens is I sleep for a couple of hours and then wake up. After that, I can never go back to dream land. If I am lucky I can get a decent four hours of sleep, but on most nights it is only a few.  
  
When I arrived at the restaurant, we were supposed to meet at, I saw Ministry Wizards trying to get to your body without the Muggles being too suspicious of what had happened. They didn't want to have to explain why you were carrying a wand and a sack full of galleons. If only it had been someone else, as cruel and mean as that may sound that is the way that I feel. If only it wasn't you.  
  
Now that I am a teacher at Hogwarts, I have something to keep me from going totally insane. I teach Muggle Studies on account that no one will ever have to die like you did. I remember all those times I tried to convince you to take Muggle Studies. If only you had listened. If only we had learned about Muggle cars. You might not have tried to cross the street. If only you had apparated home instead, like you always do. If there is one thing that I want to know it is, what the hell were you thinking when you decided to cross the street? Were you even thinking at all? Or were you too busy wondering where I was to even think to look. Well in a since I kind of feel that it is my fault then, if you were thinking about me and not the street.  
  
You were my best friend at school, so no one was shocked when we announced our engagement. We were supposed to be married and have a dozen kids by now running around the house.  
  
Maybe instead of grieving over you so much, I should think of all of the good things that we have done together. One thing that I remember very clearly is the first time I met you on the Hogwarts Express. I was looking for Neville's toad, Trevor, when I stumbled across you and Harry eating all the sweets that you could. The expression on your face when I told you that you had dirt on your nose and then I walked off like I owned the place, was priceless. Both you and Harry thought that I was stuck-up. At the time I didn't think that it was very funny, but now when I look back on it, I find it quite amusing.  
  
I was walking around the halls at school a couple of weeks ago, when I remembered the tunnel behind the Witch's Hump. I whispered the password and began the journey to Honeydukes. I stopped just before I reached the steps and lit my wand. There plain as it had been when we wrote it there 6 years ago was; R.W+H.G with a heart around it.  
  
If only you were still here, I wouldn't have to base my life on 'If only...'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
With her speech done, Hermione set the 6 red roses that she had brought with her on Ron's grave, one for each year they had been apart, and left the cemetery. It would be another year before she would make the trip and give the same speech, wondering what would have happened, if only the drunk driver hadn't killed Ron. 


End file.
